T9 - three two four five

risu:

http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/archives/2009/06/no_more_mr_nice_guy.html

I was handed a recent article to respond to.  Its probably a familiar question that a lot of you may think (if you’re a guy).  Well the short answer is, like it always is, yes and no.

But before I start going into the details, I don’t really see how men can view being nice as a bad quality.  I think its a good quality that gets tarnished by the rest of their qualities that does nothing in their favour.  In otherwords, you can’t only be nice.

Yes because nice men tend to be pushovers, get taken for granted and eventually end up in the friend category.  (Is this turning in to a blog post about what women want?), in that sense I agree with the article.  But ulitmately I’d like to think girls aren’t that stupid and would try to go for a guy that’s nice to them (its just that there are many guys out there who appear to be nice but really aren’t and girls may get stuck in their relationships - speaking from experience).

But the best way to look at it is what constitutes nice? That in iteself is quite a ridiculous attempt at a definition, but the one quoted below makes a pretty good point by starting out will a lot of the good qualities and point out some of the problems with being nice at the end.

Nice
–adjective, nic⋅er, nic⋅est.
1.     pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
2.     amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers.
3.     characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy: nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis.
4.     showing or indicating very small differences; minutely accurate, as instruments: a job that requires nice measurements.
5.     minute, fine, or subtle: a nice distinction.
6.     having or showing delicate, accurate perception: a nice sense of color.
7.     refined in manners, language, etc.: Nice people wouldn’t do such things.
8.     virtuous; respectable; decorous: a nice girl.
9.     suitable or proper: That was not a nice remark.
10.     carefully neat in dress, habits, etc.
11.     (esp. of food) dainty or delicate.
12.     having fastidious, finicky, or fussy tastes: They’re much too nice in their dining habits to enjoy an outdoor barbecue.
13.     Obsolete. coy, shy, or reluctant.
14.     Obsolete. unimportant; trivial.
15.     Obsolete. wanton.

But perhaps in the sense that we’re talking about, its more like whether you’re willing to benefit others while getting little or no benefit in return.

The most cliched answer is that everything is a balance, of course it is.  A lot of guys complain that they’re last, I’m assuming because the object of their affections gets taken away by someone who they consider not to be as nice, maybe in the way they treat people. So then if guys aren’t to be too nice, then what are they to be?

So do nice guys finish last? No they don’t. Surely they are other types of people who really do finish last.  But sometimes nice guys come close.

Edit: Honestly, just be nice but have substance then you’ll be fine.  Having the latter is always harder.  So good luck guys.

Now the questions is whether nice guys finish last. As Risu has pointed out and also Brett has pointed out, it is a yes and no answer. However, I have the view that to be that guy who gets the girl’s attention being nice gets you nowhere. The nice guy well…is just the nice guy. Why should you be attracted to someone who is nice when there is that other guy who really knows how to have fun? They don’t need to be completely bad ass, they insert a few romantic dinners and insert some nice things they have done and blammo, they are the bad ass guy with some nice qualities. So awesomely superficial! The main concern is that nice guys want to be who they are which is nice, but they can’t. Nice guys are a walkover. Honestly a lot of people use nice guys and when they are all used up, they are tossed away until they are needed next. Nice guys most of the time are not ignorant to the consequences of them being nice and eventuates into a transformation. The transformation from being the nice guy to the bad guy. Most will find that this transformation gets results that they were previously lacking. This really is the only quality that they did not have previously. Most nice guys are socially retarded, just not mean enough to have the girl challenged. Girls generally and unconsciously like to be teased and nudged around to a certain extent. The nice guy doesn’t do that, which the bad guy does. After becoming the bad guy, the former nice guy has no intention of reversion. Going back to that nice guy persona means giving up all the things he has gained from being the bad guy. I believe it works as some sort of attractive mechanism for the guy to get the girl. There needs to be that initial bad ass attitude for you to seem interesting or challenging. However, if the girl is lucky and stays tuned in the relationship long enough, they may actually find the buried nice guy within the transformed bad guy. This may take months or even years. Why should the nice guy become nice when he got himself into the relationship as an asshole? Girls frequently complain that there are no more nice guys around and that they like the nice guy. But honestly, which type of guys do you generally find yourself attracted to? Girls founded these species of nice guy turned bad guys. Don’t tell the nice guy that they are being fake. They made a choice as you made the choice to say that you like the nice guy but chose the bad guy over the nice guy.